There is no question on the linguistic abuses of the English language. The labyrinthian guidelines and the chaotic use of it’s five vowels appear to an outsider as a quagmire of loose anarchy. But the conspiracy-theorist-string-board style of rules does allow the advanced user some level of finesse. Words like ‘leisure’ and ‘neither’ have multiple pronunciations, depending on whether you want to sound like a backwater layman or a grandiloquent prince. But then there are the obscure words lurking under the floorboards of pronounceability. Words infected with cancerous consonants and scars where vowels should be, but regardless we’re tortured into wrapping our tongues around with no clear direction of how to say: FebRuaRy. Witness Mat and Veronique as we dissect the oozing polyps of syllables and guttural blockade that make up the shortest month of the year.
*Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research went into this grumble.
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